So there is a thing referred to in the "cancer social circles" if you can call them that, called chemo brain. Sometimes it's an easy out when students forget to do their homework or when you just forget to run that report at work (if ya got cancer you might as well take advantage of it...well blaming it). Other times it's when you just space out in the middle of a conversation. The last few days I've been experiencing it when the chemo sensations just come back to me - and it's not fun. Last night I had a dream about getting chemo. Then after waking up to take Nikki out I had a dream I had to get my port flushed and it was painful. I've been really pleased that I haven't had many of the adverse side effects that too many cancer patients endure, but my second treatment just doesn't sit well with me. It wasn't bad - all things considered - but it was the treatment that really hurt my arm and as always, the day of and day after I always feel over medicated and like I just radiate the smell of drugs. Also, during that treatment I was given an egg salad sandwich and it was good but now whenever I think of egg salad (or get the smell of medication on my mind) I feel like I want to gag. I don't and it's more of a "mental taste" in my mouth. It's hard to explain and probably for any non-patient to understand. But like I said... I'm doing good (can't say the same about the failing follicles - hehe).
On another note it's been so humbling to see how this experience and I guess even this blog has touched others. I guess if it makes someone pray a little more, start praying, or just realize that it's ok to give worries/concerns/experiences over to God then this disease was worth it. The part that is hard for me is when people come up to me and tell me how happy they are or inspired they are by how we are approaching this experience. To me, how else can we approach it. I can't do it alone - I need your prayers, I need God's grace, I need to give it to Him. Maybe this is the response to my personal prayers for humility and to just be more humble (right now God is probably laughing at me thinking, yeah kid, a humble person doesn't label themselves as humble - hehe). But anyway, if I don't respond the best to comments, I'm sorry. I'm still learning how to. But I do appreciate your concern and I enjoy hearing about how our lives meet in your faith journey.
My dad once said that he thinks that God threw us this challenge because He knew we could handle this and He wants us to be witnesses to the faith. Well if that is true I hope that we have the chance to share our experience, our victory through cancer, our new baby we are awaiting and the miracle of Pip entering our lives in such a stressful time, and how God provides and takes care of all of us - we just need to trust.
Until then we are going to keep fighting, keeping praying and asking for more prayers, and try to fill each day - just like Jimmy V suggests in his ESPY Award acceptance speech.
And on a final note and update as of week 7 Pip is the size of a raspberry. I can't wait to see you little one. I'm praying for you and hope you can pray for mommy and me too. I love you Pip.
Keep praying!
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