As many of you have probably heard or know, my last treatment wasn't the best. I was more nauseous than normal, more tired than normal, and it just wasn't fun. Granted part of it I think was my own fault. There were a lot of factors. It was the first time since my first treatment that I was able to get the full dose (other times they cut one of the drugs in half because my AST liver enzyme was too high) so I'm not sure if that had more of an impact on me or not. Also, I dont think I hydrated myself as much as I could so I need to be more diligent with that - and I'm sure it would help me lose some weight too! To add to it, I was feeling so good the time before that I only took one pill for acid reflux. I'm sure if I would have stayed ahead of the nausea a bit it would have been easier.
Nevertheless, especially right now, don't get me wrong - I'm feeling great. I do wish that I was still in better shape as you can tell from my last post, but I feel good. That being said, here is a little update on the wonderful effects of chemo. There is a thing called anticipatory nausea. Basically, you relate the experience or the thought of chemo to the nausea and the thought of chemo can make some people really sick before they even get it. I'm not like that, but I do experience some of it. My second treatment was the most painful and during that treatment they gave me an egg salad sandwich. It was delicious at the time but now even writting the words "egg salad" make the muscles in my throat tighten up. Well that list is starting to expand. Smell of hand sanitizer, sometimes when I think of chemo I can just picture myself in the chair with the IV going to my starboard, the taste of the saline drip just because I relate it with being over medicated, and even issues with hair. Before your hair starts to fall out they say that you get really itchy and it feels like there are a bunch of needles poking you. Well if you have seen recently, I still have good coverage on my head, but I do get that poking needle feeling a lot the first 2 days after treatment. This past time my hair started falling out more too - I was seeing it on my pillow and if I'd pull a clump of 7-12 hair would come out instead of 3-5. Eventually the sight of the hair made my throat do the same thing. So one of my resolutions for the New Year was to give up a head of hair :-). Like most resolutions I'm sure it will only last a few months but it is a start right?! I haven't shaved it down completely just yet but its down to a 1/4-1/2 inch. I actually like it - and Sarah seems to also. Still waiting for an honest opinion other than knowing that she loves me no matter what. Have I told you lately how blessed I am to have such an amazing wife!
So those are some things that just aren't fun. Another thing that I've experienced a little but not too much is referred to as chemo-brain or chemo-fog. The drugs really get to you and can make you get forgetful (or it's something to blame the forgetfulness on). For example on Saturday Sarah was making a toast for a snack. It went something like this:
A: What ya making in there hun?
S: A peanut butter toast because I can tell Pip needs a snack. Why
A: Ok...just curious.
(maybe 2 minutes pass and Sarah walks into the family room with a plate)
A: What ya eating?
S: A toast... (giving me kind of a funny look)
A: Well yeah I can smell that, but what do you have on it?
S: I just told you... peanut butter
A: Yeah I kinda thought that I just asked you but I honestly didn't remember a thing.
Too bad for Sarah that I wont be done with treatment by the time her birthday comes. Maybe I should get a present for her now while it's on my mind. I'd have to give it to her now though since I'd otherwise forget where I hid it. Needless to say, we are quite the pair. Me with my fatigue and chemo brain and Sarah with her fatigue and pregnancy brain. She is the one that gave me a jar of olives when I asked for the strawberry jam for my toast one time.
But really - I'm doing well. Just make sure I'm sucking down the water tomorrow and keep on praying that my next treatment goes well and I dont get hit with either anticipatory nausea or actual nausea. It shouldn't be that bad - I mean, after my treatment we have the first appointment with the nurse midwife for Pip and should be able to hear the heartbeat. It will likely be one of the best most memorable days of my life. By the way, as of this week Pip is the size of a lime (approx. 2 inches)!
Example #2 on chemo brain. I was just about to start another paragraph saying, I'm sorry to make this so long but... and wanted to write about something else. But now I totally forgot. So the good news is that you've made it to the end of this entry. The bad news is that now you will have to be the one that will have to remember to check back in if I remember what it was in a few minutes/hours. :-)
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