Now I've never liked to be one who dwells on the past. That being said, these next few weeks are very interesting to me. I imagine (and have already experienced) a little bit of "remember when" anxiety, flashbacks, etc. Like Sarah said this morning, a year ago on Sunday wasnt when I got cancer. A year ago on Sunday was we gave it a name and recognized what was an ongoing problem in my body. However, I presume that, as it already has been, that some thought and reflection on this approaching "anniversary" will be on my mind in the next week.
Because of that reason, rather than waiting for the actual "cancerversary" to write this post, I thought I'd toss it up here now. I was driving to work today and thinking back to a year ago. A year ago today I took a half day off work so that the ENT doctor could get in a knife fight with me and leave me with war wound number one in my neck. I'd be lying if I said I've missed that lymph node or that I've even noticed a difference. But in my morning thinking about that biopsy, I was led to some of the next events - the long weekend that Chrissy and Cayden flew out to visit for Halloween and see Uncle Andy. It was supposed to be a fun, relaxing trip - and it was - but it also took a very spooky twist/turn very early on.
It was when we were getting ready for dinner on Halloween that I received the call from the doctor. "I know that you have family visiting this weekend and you want to enjoy that, however, I didn't want to wait until Monday to let you know about the results of your biopsy." That call started what turned into the next 6-7 months of "interesting times" to say the least. But being that "the two become one" I wanted to be able to talk to Sarah about the news first. We did, however, by separating ourselves from my sister made her feel like a 3rd wheel - I found out about this after the fact and did not intend on that happening at all. Thinking about that while driving to work I wanted to put a special post up regarding that evening - and interruption from cutting up that onion and pepper.
I honestly don't think there is any way I would have rather found out "you have cancer." Sarah is the most amazing and supportive wife/mother that any man could ask for. However, there was something extremely special about having my best friend growing up there with me to hug, provide a shoulder to cry on, and assure each other that "everything will be alright - we will get through this."
Chrissy, I'll never look at Halloween the same. I look forward to taking Gabriella trick 'r treating when she is a little bit older, but Halloween will never be the same. Halloween will always be marked as a day when my life changed forever. And, thankfully, though it isn't news that anyone wants to hear, I will always remember what things were like when I found out. And you were there. You were there for me just like you were there for me when I was growing up and needed a friend to play with, someone to help get into (or out of trouble), and someone to look up to as I became who I am today. I'm so sorry that you felt like a "third wheel" on that night, and please always know how important/meaningful it was to me having you and Cayden with us on that night. I never want to hear those words again, but having you to hug, and then Cayden in his costume to bring a smile back to my face was the best first dose of anti-cancer medicine I ever received.
I'm cancer-free to all my knowledge but I'll forever be changed mentally and have a 1.5 inch war wound on my neck.
Happy Biopsy Day!! Lymph node... the first 26 years we spent together were good... I think?!?!?!
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