It's the best of times, and there is recollection of the worst of times. I've been feeling really "odd" lately. (yeah go ahead and chuckle chuckle about how I'm always odd) But really, it's been interesting. Within the last month I've met a new acquantinance who will hopefully become a better friend over the next months. A friend that I used to work with informed me that her brother was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. Well after a whirlwind of appointments (bless their calm hearts because I dont know how I'd handle that rollercoaster) they found out that it is Stage II/Stage IV Hodgkin's lymphoma. I know, you can't be Stage II/Stage IV but if you want to read more about Brian and Christine's experience you can visit here. Sarah and I had the opportunity to meet up with them and share our experience since he is a health 28 year old and, well, I don't have to explain the obvious similarities. The other night I was feeling "odd" and Sarah asked if I thought I was having some empathetic symptoms or memories based on reading what Brian has been experiencing.
But that honestly isn't the extent of it. I definitely feel weird reading about his experiences and imagining exactly what it was like when I first started, but with fall upon us there is more to this story. This weekend is the 1 year anniversary of the passing of my Grampa Dick. The world has been a MUCH smaller and different place since we lost him. I know that I've "adjusted" to not having him around, but that doesn't mean that I would love to be able to pick up the phone and say "Hey there Big Guy, how are ya? Oh yeah?! Now REALLY how are ya?" It was the beginning of last summer when I first said to Sarah, "something isn't right, I bet I have cancer." I did some added research on things and even thought that Hodgkin's lymphoma seemed like a good "fit" with how I was feeling. But then there was some denial, there was the knowledge that the family was already struggling with Grampa's decline, and I think it actually prevented me from going to the doctor sooner. Therefore, I think that fall will always be an interesting time for me.
Fall will forever be remembered as the worst of times. In the turning of fall we lost an amazing part of our family. In fact, it was years ago that we lost my Grandpa Joe as well, when fall turned to winter. In the turning of fall we were faced with life changing events, decisions, and my diagnosis. In the turning of fall we see the plants and flowers around the house dry up and fall to the ground. However, fall will continue to be the best of times. Fall marks the turning of leaves. I was reminded of the beauty of fall this morning as I biked to work and was awoken by the beautiful smell and sights of fall leaves. Fall marks the celebration of the life that Grandpa lived. In his passing I'm reminded of how much of an impact he's made on my life to work hard, work harder than I thought was possible, and make him proud. Fall is the best of best times. It is in the turning of the seasons that the "honeymoon" season of our lives was placed behind us as we prayed deeply and were ultimately blessed with Gabriella.
All these thoughts and memories are mixed into a giant pile of leaves. And though every pile of leaves is filled with dirt, brown, broken leaves, and visions of the "death of summer" - the pile is most often viewed for it's beauty in the mixture of colors that overshadow the brown. The reds, yellows, oranges, slight tints of green giving hope of spring, and the knowledge that as the season quiets into winter, the light of spring, improving life, new life, and greatness are always overshadowing the challenges in life.
I miss you Big Guy and you'd be damn proud of the gorgeous little bundle who we have blessing our lives. I hope you continue to be proud of who I am and who I am becoming. Brian will battle this ugly disease and get through things with the millions of other patients fighting. Some have a harder fight and we will fight for them. I won't get a chance to ride on Saturday and though today I'll be biking with a bag of clothes, laptop, and shoes feeling like a burden - I'll ride hard. I ride for you, Big Guy!
The colors of fall overshadow any darkness. It's the best of times!!!
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