Let me just start off with a little disclaimer. This blog entry is about breastfeeding (obviously, or it would be a rather strange title). While breastfeeding is a completely normal aspect of motherhood babies and life, I know that the idea of it makes some people uncomfortable. However, not only is it perfectly "natural" (though it doesn't always come naturally...more on that later), but it also provides countless benefits to both mom and baby. So anyway, this entry is about breastfeeding and my thoughts and experiences thus far. So I will be talking, or writing rather, about breasts. So this is a disclaimer for anyone who is not comfortable with this topic. You may want not want to keep reading.
It was never really a question to me whether or not I wanted to breastfeed or formula-feed my baby. Breastfeeding helps to establish a healthy bond between mother and baby, helps prevent ear infections and other illnesses by giving baby immune support from mom, enhances baby's development and learning, helps mom lose pregnancy weight and stay fit, lowers mom's risk of breast cancer, and even is associated with longer-term health benefits to baby such as lower risk of many cancers and illnesses in the future. On a more practical note, you don't have to spend a fortune on formula (though you do have to feed a hungry milk-making momma!). From an environmental aspect, you are creating less waste and therefore leaving less of a carbon foot-print. As the saying goes, "breastfeeding is best."
That being said, there are lots of reasons why breastfeeding doesn't always work out. Not enough milk supply, baby unable to latch, health problems in mom or in baby. So I am in no way implying that formula is "bad" or that mothers who formula-feed are not amazing mothers or that they don't love their babies. I know they are amazing mothers and I would never question their love for their babies. For these women and babies, breastfeeding may not be best and so formula is the best option.
So I always knew that I would want to breastfeed, but also knew that life doesn't always go as planned. And so during our pregnancy I signed up for the various formula companies to send me some samples to have "just in case." Now that we have had some challenges, which I will go into momentarily, the formula cupboard is beginning to look fairly tempting. However, we are staying strong and getting through our challenges and when all is said and done I have no desire to stop breastfeeding.
So, here is a summary of my adventures in breastfeeding thus far:
In the hospital, Gabriella struggled a bit to get a good latch but we were relatively quickly able to overcome this. But that was before my milk came in. Once my body switched from colostrum to milk production, boy did it go to town. When that milk came in, it really came in. Poor Gabriella would try to latch on but would be so overwhelmed by the amount of milk shooting out at her that she would pull away within 30 seconds sputtering and choking. We kept repeating the process over and over. Then the screaming would start. It was so hard to watch her lip turn down and quiver, her face turn beet red, and feel her body getting so hot. All because she was hungry and despite the milk pouring out of me, I felt like I could not give her what she needed. Eventually of course (sometimes after more than an hour), enough milk would end up everywhere but in her tummy that the flow would slow down enough for her to be able to get a feeding. Still, after about a week-and-a-half we met with a lactation consultant to try to help figure out how to manage this problematic overabundance. The solution? a wonderful and annoying little device known as a "nipple shield." As obnoxious as it was to use, it helped to slow down the flow so that she didn't have to get so frustrated. We were able to ditch the device after I finally down-regulated just enough.
With these obstacles behind us, we continued on our merry way until a wonderful little thing called thrush (yeast infection) entered the picture. Little white patches on Gabriella's lower gums, transfering over to me and causing a burning itching redness and then shooting pains during nursing. Just tons of fun all around. The solution? vinegar rinses, air exposure, "all purpose nipple cream", diflucan for me, nystatin for baby, yogurt, probiotic capsules, sanitizing anything and everything that her mouth or my milk touches, and cutting out sugar from my diet. Again, just tons of fun all around. After several weeks of battling the stubborn thrush, we were nearly back to normal. While it was not completely resolved, it was minimally uncomfortable and very manageable and it seemed that the light at the end of the tunnel was visible. Hurray! Breastfeeding once again was becoming an enjoyable experience during which I could simply admire my beautiful daughter (rather than grimace from discomfort).
Unfortunately, we didn't get to enjoy the pain-free feeling too too long before our next hurdle popped up. Mastitis. At first I thought I had the flu. Suddenly I my entire body was aching, from my neck all the way down to my ankles, and I could barely lift my arms or stand up from feeling so fatigued. I had a fever and chills and my head felt very cloudy. I was bewildered how I could have caught the flu, but then I noticed that my breast was extremely painful and it dawned on me: mastitis. The speed with which this lovely infection hit me was pretty impressive. One moment I was fine and the next I was a useless lump on the couch. The solution? Antibiotics and REST, and of course trying to relieve any plugged milk ducts. The rest was the absolute most difficult part. For two days I have practically lived in the bed (hence this essay on breastfeeding) while Andrew played "Mr. Mom." He would bring Gabriella to me when she was hungry, and then take her away again when we were done. He changed her diapers (though he usually likes to take this task when he's home so he can have daddy-daughter bonding), played with Gabriella, played with Nikki, did the laundry, cooked, and did the dishes. I know that he is a very capable husband and father so I wasn't concerned in that regard, but I just felt bad knowing that he had to do everything while I just sat there.
And now that we've gotten these various adventures behind us, I am very glad that we have pushed through and are still breastfeeding. Every time I look down at my beautiful happy little girl, I'm reminded how worth it all of this has been. Each time she smiles up at me while filling up her tummy, I feel so rewarded. It is our special time together when, once again as when she was in the womb, I am her whole world and providing her with everything she needs. With every kiss of her tiny chubby cheeks, or a glance at her little double chin, I know that I am giving her the best that I can. And it really is a pleasant experience again once those other issues are dealt with.
So, whether or not this is the end of our breastfeeding challenges or if there are many more to come in the months ahead, we will continue.
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