As I was growing up I always had an affinity for prison movies - Shawshank Redemption, Escape from Alcatraz, The Great Escape. I don't know what it was. Maybe the anticipation and then strategy behind seeking freedom. There was something about them. I would joke around that I think it would be cool to be in prison for a short period of time, not because I did something wrong, but just to see what life was like. However, I'd want to know I would be safe - not needing to worry about the "ladies" or anything like that.
My advice: Watch what you wish for. Today is the beginning of cycle 4a. In just a few hours I'll take that stroll down the Green Mile. Prepped for me is chair that really isn't all that comfortable. After meeting with Doc I'll be asked if I want anything to eat before we start to help the anti-nausea meds. During this process I also get my shackles. I always want to find an escape, but I know it isn't possible - my chest has to be shackled to that damn machine. Then Doc puts in the orders for my "cocktail" and after a while they bring up a series of drugs that need to be administered in a specific order. The difference is that my "cocktail" comes in bags that say BIOHAZARD all over them, but if administered properly, won't due me in like the guys in the movie that made the walk to "the chair." Quickly my "chair" just turns into D-Block of Alcatraz - solitary confinement.
Now it's not complete solitary confinement because I'm blessed to have Sarah right by my side every time. It's so great that the Everett Clinic has been so accomodating to her schedule to make sure she has every other Wednesday off. But still, as comforting as it is to have her there, at times it feels like I'm just in the back of that cell and she can only peek in as a visitor. She isn't able to see the darkness that happens inside and I never want her to experience such a thing.
My wish is coming true though. My stay at the prison is only a short one and they are taking care of me to make sure that I'm safe. Come April 14th I'll be let out on parole for a short time. After 2 or 3 successful CT scans/reviews with the parole board I'll be home free. But until then I still feel like I need to find some sort of tools so that I can start digging through the wall.
Maybe I can call this experience my Alcatraz Theme Park because it really is a roller coaster experience. Now that I'm at the end of my 2 weeks of recovery I feel great - with the exception of a few sores in my mouth. I've been cycling more than ever since being diagnosed - it's really become a great outlet for me, especially since it's been the warmest January and allowed me to ride outside. I get out there and just go. Riding as far away from that Cancer Prison as I can. Somedays I feel like Andy Dufresne when I ride to work. The ride there is always great - wonderful morning breeze to wake me up and say my prayers. The ride home can be a bit more rough as I go up Hwy 9. But just like when Andy gets out the end of the tunnel, as I come around the last corner onto our road, I lean back, put my hands in the air, and just breathe a sigh of relief, happiness, and thank God for allowing me to be able to do it.
I need to be realistic though. I'm going to go for a ride this morning, but I know that this ride I'll hear the click, click, click of the rollercoaster car making its way to the top of the hill. And once I get into that damn infusion center, the car will crest that hill and I'll start heading down into the tumbles and turns that make your stomach shift for the next 4 days with a hangover.
It's a vicious cycle and I hope and pray you never need to meet the warden and go through this.
Tomorrow is World Cancer Day. The International Institute Against Cancer (IICC) is going to be unveiling its latest program on cancer prevention since so much cancer can be avoided through diet, exercise, not smoking, etc. But it also gives all of us the chance to think of what you can do for yourself and what you can do for others. Every day approximately 1,500 people in the US alone will die from cancer. We need to find an end to this. We need researchers to find ways to get safer treatments that only affect the bad cells. But to do that we need your support - that can be in the form of prayers, you can donate some of your time just to go to an infusion center and bring a smile to someone's face, or you can donate some money. You can support me on my LiveStrong ride, or even if you give to something else, all that matters is that you are giving so that they have the funds to find an end to this. Please help us out! Pray and think of what you can do to make an impact!
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