I am the clay and He is the potter.
This week is a crazy week for me. My concentration is less than focused. I'm trying to stay calm, but also very anxious and ready for it to be the end of the week. Never before was it such beautiful weather in February and was I just itching for when the rain would be coming at the end of the week. Never before was I on an "off" week of chemo and just itching for the week to get to the end.
Thursday I go in a 8AM for a PET/CT scan. This is the scan that they do for Staging. This is the scan that took so much wind out of my sails and was the biggest blow I've received in my life. Prior to the scan I had in the beginning of the process, everything was pointing at Stage 1 and only cancer in my neck. Then the doctor's words "now I want to explain how the PET is different from any CT scan."
During a PET scan I am injected with a slightly radioactive glucose (no I won't be glowing), and since cancer cells have a faster metabolic rate than normal cells, the scan can show the amount of radioactivity in a type of heat map, showing where the cancer is and how much.
This one is different though. All signs are pointing toward a good diagnosis, but they were last time too. And last time I was hoping for the best and should have been preparing for the worst. Doc says that this scan needs to be completely clear and then I'll have 4 more treatments and be done. If not, they will have to take a look at things which will then include added possible words like "more chemo", "radiation", or who knows what else.
So that is where I'm at. This week is about surrendering my life to His will. I'm not sure how to welcome all of it, I'm not sure how to embrace it. All I ask is you to join me in prayer throughout this week. You probably won't hear from me until after Thursday.
Please keep praying for healing and for my conversion to accept whatever God wills of my life.
LiveSTRONG!
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