As many of you have seen already, the past few weeks have been crazy for Sarah and I. The first part of November was the most challenging time of our lives - separately and since we've been married. Cancer, hopeful of stage one, then the crashing news that it was stage three. We cannot tell you how much God has touched us and how much it has meant to have the strength and prayers from family and friends, just like you. But we also wanted to take a moment to put something out there on a bit of a more personal level...not meant to push any of our beliefs but rather to share our experience.
As we mentioned in previous posts, one of our major concerns when we found out that it is cancer was the impact that this ordeal and the treatment will have on our family. We want to have children, and there is a chance that the chemotherapy will leave us infertile. It is actually a lower risk for the chemotherapy, but a risk nonetheless (and an absolute risk should we need a bone marrow transplant). And anyone who knows us, knows that we desire to be parents with all our hearts.
Since the day we met, I knew that Sarah would be the best mother for my children - and she felt the same about me. Growing up I always wanted to have a boy and a girl, just like my family, but Sarah has opened my heart to more life - we dream of having 3, 4, or maybe 5 children. And with hearing that I could become infertile through this process, it really started to pull at my heart.
Of course, we had been counseled on options of what we can do now to mitigate that risk later. Many people have asked if we had, or then why we had not, chosen to freeze sperm.
Sarah and I take great pride in our Catholic faith and know that it is the firm foundation of our marriage and that is going to guide us through this challenge. Within the Catholic faith some of the new technology surrounding the creation of life is not morally acceptable. Initially we weren't planning on this option, but then based on some misinformation about the church's teachings, we looked into a fertility clinic and even had an appointment scheduled. However, we had an uneasy feeling about it as we were unsure how it truly fit into our Faith. So, we consulted the best resource for this type of a dilemma - a Priest.
So came the truth that we sought out, yet was hard to accept...artificial insemination is unacceptable or immoral according to Catholic teaching. A brief walk down the theological path: Sarah and I entered into our marriage open to children. Marriage is life. Bringing life into the world will bring us and our family closer to God. However, artificial insemination separates the unitive and procreative acts of marital love- in other words, with artificial insemination the procreative act is no longer between the two individuals completely giving of one another. Ends do not justify the means. We really already knew this in our hearts to be true, but were filled with such a desire for family that we were desperate to hope against hope.
Ultimately, we made our decision not to go to the fertility clinic for a combination of reasons. First, we are Catholic because we believe that the teachings of the Church are the true teachings of our Savior. And these teachings are not always easy to follow, but Jesus tells us that His way is not easy. We don't pick and choose which teachings we will adhere to. Second, right now we are praying and asking a lot of God. We want Him on our side. To tell Him that we do not trust Him with our family and fertility in the future seems counterproductive to do while putting all trust in Him for healing now.
That night we cried, we prayed, we looked for some guiding words from our parents, but when it hit me the most was when Sarah said to me, "right now is when we need God on our side the most, and for us to do something immoral like this would be giving God the middle finger and we can't do that - we aren't cafeteria Catholics." On July 11, 2008 Sarah and I committed our lives to one another with the goal of bringing each other closer to God - this topic is a huge challenge in doing that, but we trust and know we are doing the right thing for us. It may not be the right thing for others, but it is what we need to do.
We know that we have been called to be parents. We pray that we will be able to bring a child or children into the world after we beat this ordeal. But we also feel like it should be the two of us together. Not through a collected sample and a sterile procedure. And if God does not intend for us to create a life, we will know that we are called to another beautiful opportunity. To adopt a child that truly needs a loving family. Because we know we are called to be parents.
Was this a difficult decision? Of course, but it is getting easier through the grace of God. And we feel completely at peace with the decision and don't regret it. There are great things planned for our Steinbrecher family, we just need to have faith.
"Blessed are those who suffer for the sake of righteousness, theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
As we mentioned in previous posts, one of our major concerns when we found out that it is cancer was the impact that this ordeal and the treatment will have on our family. We want to have children, and there is a chance that the chemotherapy will leave us infertile. It is actually a lower risk for the chemotherapy, but a risk nonetheless (and an absolute risk should we need a bone marrow transplant). And anyone who knows us, knows that we desire to be parents with all our hearts.
Since the day we met, I knew that Sarah would be the best mother for my children - and she felt the same about me. Growing up I always wanted to have a boy and a girl, just like my family, but Sarah has opened my heart to more life - we dream of having 3, 4, or maybe 5 children. And with hearing that I could become infertile through this process, it really started to pull at my heart.
Of course, we had been counseled on options of what we can do now to mitigate that risk later. Many people have asked if we had, or then why we had not, chosen to freeze sperm.
Sarah and I take great pride in our Catholic faith and know that it is the firm foundation of our marriage and that is going to guide us through this challenge. Within the Catholic faith some of the new technology surrounding the creation of life is not morally acceptable. Initially we weren't planning on this option, but then based on some misinformation about the church's teachings, we looked into a fertility clinic and even had an appointment scheduled. However, we had an uneasy feeling about it as we were unsure how it truly fit into our Faith. So, we consulted the best resource for this type of a dilemma - a Priest.
So came the truth that we sought out, yet was hard to accept...artificial insemination is unacceptable or immoral according to Catholic teaching. A brief walk down the theological path: Sarah and I entered into our marriage open to children. Marriage is life. Bringing life into the world will bring us and our family closer to God. However, artificial insemination separates the unitive and procreative acts of marital love- in other words, with artificial insemination the procreative act is no longer between the two individuals completely giving of one another. Ends do not justify the means. We really already knew this in our hearts to be true, but were filled with such a desire for family that we were desperate to hope against hope.
Ultimately, we made our decision not to go to the fertility clinic for a combination of reasons. First, we are Catholic because we believe that the teachings of the Church are the true teachings of our Savior. And these teachings are not always easy to follow, but Jesus tells us that His way is not easy. We don't pick and choose which teachings we will adhere to. Second, right now we are praying and asking a lot of God. We want Him on our side. To tell Him that we do not trust Him with our family and fertility in the future seems counterproductive to do while putting all trust in Him for healing now.
That night we cried, we prayed, we looked for some guiding words from our parents, but when it hit me the most was when Sarah said to me, "right now is when we need God on our side the most, and for us to do something immoral like this would be giving God the middle finger and we can't do that - we aren't cafeteria Catholics." On July 11, 2008 Sarah and I committed our lives to one another with the goal of bringing each other closer to God - this topic is a huge challenge in doing that, but we trust and know we are doing the right thing for us. It may not be the right thing for others, but it is what we need to do.
We know that we have been called to be parents. We pray that we will be able to bring a child or children into the world after we beat this ordeal. But we also feel like it should be the two of us together. Not through a collected sample and a sterile procedure. And if God does not intend for us to create a life, we will know that we are called to another beautiful opportunity. To adopt a child that truly needs a loving family. Because we know we are called to be parents.
Was this a difficult decision? Of course, but it is getting easier through the grace of God. And we feel completely at peace with the decision and don't regret it. There are great things planned for our Steinbrecher family, we just need to have faith.
"Blessed are those who suffer for the sake of righteousness, theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
You two are a beautiful couple and a wonderful witness of marriage in life-giving love. Thanks for sharing this post and highlighting the Church's teaching and the depth of your faith. You both are in our prayers everyday!!
ReplyDeleteGod bless,
Deb & Ben
This is beautiful-- you both are a tremendous inspiration!
ReplyDelete- Kathleen
God bless you two for your amazing and very open testimony to life and the beauty of the sacrament of marriage within the faith of the Catholic Church! You remain steadfastly in our prayers. +JMJ+
ReplyDelete