The Big Day

Diapers? Check
Mommy's milk? Check
Pacifier? Check
LOTS of tears from Mommy? CHECK

Yesterday was the big day. My first day back at work after spending three wonderful months solely taking care of my Gabriella, the most beautiful gift God has ever given me. It's not that I don't love my job or the people I work with, but I did NOT want to put on my scrubs yesterday morning. I did NOT want to pack up my stuff and Gabriella's stuff and load up the car. I did NOT want to leave her and drive away.

But that's what I had to do. And I survived.

I know that I have no right to complain. Thousands of women are working mothers and they all had to go through that first day. And most of them aren't as blessed as I am to only have to work part time with a schedule in which two days is the longest I'm away from her consecutively. And they may not be as blessed to have found childcare that they trust with great confidence that is only a few minutes away...which means I even got to go visit my baby halfway through the day. I nursed her and played with her and hugged her.

But then I had to leave her again. So of course, I lost it again.

But she seemed happy as a clam. In the morning when we arrived and I got her out of her car seat, she smiled ear to ear as she got her first glimpse of Yolly smiling at her. She was all smiles when I returned during my lunch hour, and she was sleeping peacefully and contently when I came to pick her up.


I am sure that this transition is more difficult for me than for her. It is not that I don't feel safe or confident in our childcare provider. It is just that for the the past three months I have been there for everything. Other than a small handful of hours here and there, I have been there for every smile, every tear, every milestone. But now I might miss her "firsts" if they happen on a Monday, Thursday or Friday. So there is definitely some jealousy going on.

I know that it will get easier and we will adjust.
I just need to count my blessings.