We Choose Life

Not sure how familiar everyone is with the blog so you may or may not recall back in November when Sarah posted 2 beautiful blogs.  The first really told the story and was entitled Natural Family Planning. The second followed a similar theme and was our "announcement" to our blog readers who weren't already aware of Pip as to how good God is (of course we all know how wonderful He is).

Well just this evening I was thinking back to that entry and reflecting on it as we get within days (who knows, maybe even hours but I doubt that) of the arrival of our little miracle to the world outside of momma.  What a whirlwind.  At times that's all that I can say about the last year of our lives.  Really I guess it would be more of the past 9 months, but I'm going to just say a year because I could argue that life started to change in June 2009 when I rolled over in bed and said, "shoot, I have a feeling I have cancer... the family can't handle that right now, take care of me, Lord."  And of course, He has and always will.  But to the reflection I was having tonight... it really focused on the current, and the "beginning".  The beginning of our little baby's life.  "Before I formed you in the whom, I knew you."  That is almost true... it can't really be true other than in the perfect hand of our maker but really.  Even going back to those nights in June, I would lie in bed thinking about my "state".  I didn't know what I had, I didn't know how bad it would be, I just knew I had a sense, a feeling.  And I would lie awake praying and asking God for the guidance - If something is to happen to me, would it be right for us to try and conceive a child so Sarah could always have a part of me with her.  Scary thought - some will read and probably even say a stupid thought, but I did.

Fast forward to November.  We were diagnosed with stage 3, possibly stage 4 Hodgkin's lymphoma and encouraged that there were not 1, but 2 chances to beat it (I can still picture that doctor's office and hear Dr. Chen's voice).  Chemo or a full bone marrow transplant.  Chemo has a low risk factor in terms of fertility and a BMT "theoretically" makes a person sterile.  "We would recommend you to freeze some of your sperm for later."  Scheduled the appointments, discussed it, but never executed.  In the teachings of our Catholic faith it is not the correct moral decision to do such a thing.  So with one week between diagnosis and the pre-treatment tests that would leave me radioactive before chemo, we prayed.  We placed our plans to the side, prayed, and offered our lives to God to determine what His desire was for our family.

"Wow, your husband was just diagnosed and now you are pregnant.  I mean, that's great, but that's a lot for you guys to have on your plate at one time."  Oh those comments made me chuckle.  You could probably chalk up Pip's life as one of the most planned pregnancies ever.  I would chuckle when I'd hear things like that and just think, "what better time to get pregnant."  Hope.  Life.  Love.  It helped encourage me through treatment, it brought smiles to our faces on rough days, and now we wait.  Will it be tonight?  Tomorrow?  This weekend?  Our little 9 month old with the guidance of God are the only ones who know when the time will be.  Such a selfless father we have.  I bet Pip is beyond the due date because God is holding him/her in Sarah's womb just smiling at such hope, such a miracle, so much love.  And like any parent, He needs to decide it's time to let Pip go and entrust our loving, nurturing hands.  Thank you, Lord, for trusting me with this precious child.  Fatherhood has been great and it is just going to get better when I hold that little life.

I couldn't be more excited.  I would do anything for Sarah to start feeling the contractions of labor right now, but instead I'll put the computer to the side and tomorrow will be another day.  But we can wait a few more days.  We are so blessed.  We are so honored.  We have never once looked back and thought "did we take on too much?!"  No, we've always looked at Sarah's growing belly, smiled, kissed each other and agreed how great Pip is.  We choose life, and God is good.  It seems like so much of this life has already been formed, but it's all beginning. 

Pip, you take your time and enjoy that safe, comfy home, but also you tell God that it's okay.  We will keep good care of your out here too.  We are ready for you to be born.  We are excited to hear your voice to tell us of your journey so far.  We love you.  See you, hold you, and kiss you soon.  Love, Daddy